I stood out, came out, and was shut out (Revenge of the Women Studies Student: Part one)
Butchfemme Jenn here
So I began writing the blog posted before this one and my partner said the intro was to formal so she decided to take over. Still desiring to write something that has been on my mind for awhile now, I composed this instead.
I am currently an undergraduate working for a Bachelors degree in, you guessed it, Women Studies. I know what you are thinking, “Those damn feminists, now have women studies classes to promote their radical agenda!” If that is what you are thinking right now then I beg you reconsider your thoughts and do a little research. If you have time, take a class or two, I guarantee that you will learn something. Women Studies does not promote the stereotypical radical feminist ideas that many people misunderstand, it instead raises awareness about the various inequalities that plague the world today. Besides what is the feminist agenda anyway? Equality? Beats me.
Anyway, I was in one of my upper division courses when the topic of heteronormativity arose. I politely raised my hand in order to share how a heteronormative society often affects the LGBT community in a negative way. I said, “I find it funny that as we talk about this particular subject we neglect to note how heteronormativity affects gays and lesbians. As a lesbian I often find myself dumbing down my sexuality because I am in the company of heterosexual people. Like at a club when a guy asks me to dance I simply say no thank you I am not interested and after he persists (which sometimes happens) I out myself in an attempt to get rid of him. Unfortunately there are some men who continue to persist under the stereotype that all lesbians need is sex with a man in order to “cure” them. And if this is the case and the man offers me sex I often say, “No thank you, I am not interested.” What I never understood was why I say “No thank you” like it was my fault I didn’t want to sleep with him. Of course heterosexual women wouldn’t want to sleep with a man like that either, or at least I would hope they think they deserve better, because we all deserve the best partner.”
As a response to this the woman next to me said “You don’t have to tell a man why you don’t want to talk or sleep with him.” I have given this a lot of thought now and my only is, “but you kind of do sometimes…
Scene 1: A lesbian waits for her partner to arrive at a typical heteronormative club, a man approaches her table leaving his group of male friends…
Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: No thanks, I am not interested,
Man: Why not? Are you scared of me or something?
Woman: No, I just don’t want to dance with you.
Man: Ah, come on I don’t bite.
Woman: I am actually waiting for someone, but thank you for the offer.
(Man sits down in the empty seat that the woman is saving)
Man: Well you can talk to me until your friend gets here then.
(Woman rolls eyes, she is clearly annoyed)
Man: So what is your name anyway?
Woman: Alex
Man: Hey Alex, I am Rob (holds out hand which she shakes), so are you having fun?
Woman: Not really, I am waiting for my partner.
Man: Oh, so you have a boyfriend?
Woman: Actually, my partner is a woman, I am a lesbian.
Man: Oh… cool, so how does that work?
(Woman gets up and leaves)
Man: What? I am just curious.
What is interesting about this scene is the fact that the man was not the one to leave in the end. Why is it that the woman felt like she had to leave and why is it that the man had the right to impose on her personal life? I understand what my classmate meant in that “We do not have to tell a man why we don’t want to talk or sleep with him,” but the fact remains that persistence is still a masculine trait some men feel the need to act on. I believe that women should have the right to say that they are not interested and have the situation terminate itself before it becomes a personal matter, but sometimes this is not so simple. A simple NO often times is interpreted as a YES in man’s mind or even interpreted as “playing hard to get.” Simplicity is something that some people just do not understand.
In order to be honest with myself I try very hard not to dumb down my sexuality. I live by the idea that yes we can always “hide in the closet” but we shouldn’t have to. Heteronormativity is something that automatically makes everyone assume someone is heterosexual, but what we need to realize is that this is not always the case. I believe in being honest with yourself and true to your identities so if someone asks about my sexual orientation I automatically come out regardless of the consequences. The dangers are high for me and although I often worry about what could happen I continue to remind myself that if I hide my lesbianism then I am only giving in to heteronormativity. If I say no and someone persists that doesn’t interest me then I think it is okay to be honest and let him know that I am not “playing hard to get.” I dream of the day when a simple “I am not interested” is enough and the day when both heterosexuals and LGBTQ people can dance in the same club without all the drama. When I went back to that class a week after this incident there were 4 empty chairs around me and I sat alone. Clearly these people were not as open minded as I thought.
P.S.- I know plenty of heterosexual women out there that often say that they are lesbians in order to get rid of unwanted attention, do don’t lie to yourself. :)
Butchfemme Jenn here signing off!
An Educated Mexican. Is That Real?
ButchFemme Ari here.
Let’s skip the formal intro. I work at Borders, yes the book store. Let me guess. “Oh my god! I love books. You must love your job!” Whether it is a good job or not, that is not the point. The point is the location of the store is in the middle of a very rich area. Did I mention I am Mexican? Well, I am. And did I mention that about 90% of the customers are white? Well, they are. Why does race matter you ask? It shouldn’t. Yet, here I am telling you the brutal truth about being a working Mexican in a rich neighborhood.
Automatic assumptions/thoughts:
“Shouldn’t she be taking care of my kid?”
“Is she legal?”
“Does she speak English?”
“Look sweetie, that’s a Mexican. She got knocked up at 15 and is now working to take care of her 5 children. Stay in school. Don’t do drugs.”
Now, I know what you are thinking. ‘She is over exaggerating.’ I wish I was.
Women and ladies (men), what you are about to read has not been edited. It is ugly. And they are two real, separate conversations between me and a customer (both white males). Viewer discretion is advised.
Conversation 1:
Me: “Do you have a Borders Rewards card?”
Male: “No and I don’t want one. I used to have one but they sent me so much shit.”
Me: “They are coupons to help you save money.”
Male: “I am worth more than your coupons. My time is valuable. You can’t afford it. I am expensive and precious.”
Now, here is the ugly truth. Would he have been so bluntly rude if the person helping him had been a white female? Maybe. A white male? Absolutely not. First half an hour at work and I already was reminded that I am a Mexican woman. Unworthy of a white male’s time and absolutely unworthy of a white male’s respect. It gets better.
Conversation 2:
Male: “Can you help me find a book?”
Me: “Absolutely. What are you looking for?”
Male: “It’s the GOPs Contract with America. It just came out today.”
Me: “Uh, the book by Newt Gingrich?”
Male: “No, no it’s a thin book. The GOP’s Contract with America.”
Those of you who have no idea what the Contract with America is, here is some background information: It is a contract that lists ten items the tea party wants congressional candidates to follow. In other words, it is a platform for the Tea Party movement. It reads as follows:
“We, the citizens of the United States of America, call upon those seeking to represent us in public office to sign the Contract from America and by doing so commit to support each of its agenda items and advocate on behalf of individual liberty, limited government, and economic freedom.
- Protect the Constitution
- Reject Cap & Trade
- Demand a Balanced Budget
- Enact Fundamental Tax Reform
- Restore Fiscal Responsibility & Constitutionally Limited Government
- End Runaway Government Spending
- Defund, Repeal, & Replace Government-run Health Care
- Pass an ‘All-of-the-Above” Energy Policy
- Stop the Pork
- Stop the Tax Hikes”
Moving on….
Me: “The actual contract?”
Male: “Yes. It came out today.”
Me: “Umm, it’s not a book. You can find it online. Google it and it should give you more information. It’s the platform the GOP is using for the November elections.”
Male: “That’s why I want it.”
Me: “Okay. Well, like I said, Google it and you should be able to find it.”
Male: “Well, how would you know? Are you even educated?”
Me: (Insulted) “Uh yes I am. I love politics and I am attending college.”
Male: “Oh you know politics?”
Me: “Yes. I love them.”
Male: “Isn’t the GOP great?”
Me: “No.” (Still insulted) “I am liberal.”
Yawn. Boring. I know. The point I am trying to make is that he would not have questioned my knowledge if I had been white. I am certain his response would have been “I must have misread it. My mistake. Thank you for your help,” rather than question my education.
It’s the same shit every day. I have received shocked facial expressions when I mention that I am attending college. I use to believe they were due to the astonishment that some people work AND go to school. Yet, being the only Mexican in the book side, I see how easily the customers accept the ‘fact’ that my white coworkers are attending college. It is disgusting.
Enough ranting and welcome to our blog. ButchFemme Ari signing off and promising that our future blogs will be more entertaining. Yet, if you can’t handle feminism, lesbianism, and race (aka real issues), perhaps you should get off the computer, and turn on some MTV. Good night and good bye.
That is all for now.
.ButchFemme Ari.
